


Selfish wish

by mugianon



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Why Did I Write This?, give sabo a break, me: it’s free real estate, oda: doesn’t show us how sabo copes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 01:59:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19687066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugianon/pseuds/mugianon
Summary: Scratch that. Scratch this. All of this.Scratch this whole letter, this whole initiative. But most importantly fuck Dragon.Fuck him for pushing Sabo to see the psychiatrist.Then fuck said psychiatrist for pulling out every last string of painful memory he had.





	Selfish wish

**Author's Note:**

> “no archive warnings apply”  
> chuckles   
> angst coming right up
> 
> thank you all for giving this a go!! it means a lot :"))  
> on a more serious note, feel free not to read this as it gets a bit serious 
> 
> enjoy still :")

`Truth is, I’m not doing well.`

Sabo held his breath as he wrote down the last word, closing his eyes in the mean time. His left hand balled into a fist & his jaw clenched hard enough he might as well use that instead of the dragon claws next time they fought marines. Admitting it meant it was true.   
& it fucking hurt.

`Life is, as Hack once told me, “actually pretty shit”. But—`

“Fuck’s sake...” said the blond has he ran a hand on his face, biting back tears & his lower lip. This time he dropped the pen & decided to rest his head in his hands just above the unfinished letter, peeking through his fingers once in a while like a child would.

‘But look at me, I haven’t gone on a rant of how much I miss you nor how much I regret not remembering,’ he was going to write down, but yet again, he admitted it.

`—somehow, I’m still living. When you—`

Scratch that. Scratch this. All of this. Scratch this whole letter, this whole initiative. But most importantly fuck Dragon. Fuck him for pushing Sabo to see the psychiatrist. Then fuck said psychiatrist for pulling out every last string of painful memory he had.

Fuck him for leaving alone at sea as a 10 years old blond dumbass who thought he was protecting his brothers when he was hurting them.   
Fuck it.

Sabo now looked at his wood table, having thrown yet another failed letter in the garbage can (or at least trying to), completely lost, head still resting in his hands while he was taking deep breaths, his torso shuddering with each one. As a tiny whine escaped his mouth, his jaw clenched even harder & he arched his back, without realizing how hard he was pressing his forehead against the table beneath him.

What that a migraine coming? It sure looked like one.

It hurt. What hurt? Nothing. Everything. Anything. Remembering how stupid he was, that he wasn’t there, that he had, in fact, forgotten about his family. It all hurt so much Sabo only wanted to drown himself in the coldest waters of the coldest winter island nearby.

Life was pretty shit. He had to admit. Life was nothing but an addition of years & anguish. & perhaps Sabo was having enough of this bullshit.   
Anyone else would break. No Koala wouldn’t, Koala hadn’t broken. She was strong.   
God, he was so selfish for wanting to disappear.

Not start over. Not come back. Just to disappear. To be so small he’d become insignificant, die at best. As no matter how much he wanted peace, he always found war.

He was a hero that couldn’t live without a raging battle, & even if one was happening into his own being, the battle of heart & mind was something he couldn’t hit, couldn’t beat to the ground or tear apart. Then call it over.   
It took time. Too much time.

The 10 years old blond sitting on the branch next to his raven haired brother fondly smiled at the sky changing tones, soft shades of pink & orange mixing with cotton like clouds just in front of them.   
The other kid smiled back, although they weren’t looking at each other.

So again, one more time in his poor life, he selfishly wished to be back there, in their hut, back at the East Blue. With or without Luffy, but back then. With Ace. His best friend. His safe place.   
He wanted out.

The blond wanted home.

**Author's Note:**

> ty again for reading!! ♥️


End file.
